lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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