My brain says no but my pants say off.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
