If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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