I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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