I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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