if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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