i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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