This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
