all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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