so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
