I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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