just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
