Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
