omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
