I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
