i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I won the penis lottery.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
