Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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