i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
