It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
