Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
