he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
