Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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