Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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