i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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