Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
