Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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