he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
