they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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