How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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