found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
