Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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