do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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