Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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