My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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