I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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