I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
