She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize