i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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