I just pynch a tree in the face
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
