Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
