Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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