we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
