i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I believe in your delicious
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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