she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
