dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
