it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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