btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
