Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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