literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Someone signed my nipple.
Congratulations! We have a period
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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