There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
