meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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