The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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