With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
