so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
