My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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