remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
