Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
