How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
