You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
