Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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