Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
