So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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