Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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