I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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