She said her name was "party"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
