She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
