I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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