so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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