Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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