guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
