I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
