His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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