Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize