a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
