I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
MIDGETS
????
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
