the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
