Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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