I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
