I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
