I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
