Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
