Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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