rhymes with "ouble enetration"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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