What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were destined to go to rehab together
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
