with your own penis?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
